***
Go On The Trip!
I was sitting in my therapist’s office about six months
before my divorce was final when she asked me in a calm, curious tone of voice
“what do you want to do when this is all over, Melanie?” I looked out the window and exhaled a long emotionally
exhausted sigh followed by a much longer silent pause. The day she asked me
this question I had been going to those art therapy sessions once a week for
about five months. By that point I was feeling much stronger emotionally, and
ready to move on to the next chapter of my life. I looked back at her and said something that
surprised me. “I think I need to leave
the country for a while.” I was truly
caught off guard by my own answer.
My therapist had a slight grin on her face and proceeded to
inquire further with a series of questions that I obviously hadn’t given a
single thought to prior to that moment.
She asked me where I would go and if I had ever traveled by myself out
of the country before? She also wanted to know how a trip like that would
benefit me at this time of my life? I
had no idea where I would go, I had never traveled outside the country by
myself before, but I just felt that I needed to be far away from anything
familiar in order to truly transition from my old life into my new one.
Her questions led to an intriguing conversation of
possibilities for the next 30 minutes. The more we talked the more I got
excited. She finally looked at me and said, “Go on the trip!”
I went home that day and started searching online for possible
places. My first Google search was something like ‘Cool places in Mexico for
artists’. The first result was San
Miguel de Allende, followed by a place called Ajijic (pronounced Ah-he-heek). I
had heard of San Miguel de Allende, which is a college town. I tried to picture
myself in a college town, but all I could imagine was a bunch of partying going
on, and in my head I heard one of those loud cartoon-screeches that sounded
like a car coming to a quick stop with burning rubber on the road. Not a good sign.
When I looked up more information on Ajijic my minds eye was
lured into the images I saw on the computer.
The landscape looked semi-tropical.
The buildings were classic Mexico with bold, bright colors, and cobblestone
streets that lined the shores of a large picturesque lake – Lake Chapala. I could almost hear the trees blowing in the
wind and imagined myself strolling stress-free through the village.
Six months later my divorce was final, and I began making my
plans to visit Ajijic located in Jalisco, Mexico. My monkey mind suddenly began to bombard me
with all kinds of excuses why I shouldn’t do this.
I can’t afford this.
I don’t need to leave the country to heal and transition.
I can’t afford this.
I don’t need to leave the country to heal and transition.
Mexico isn’t safe.
I have children (who
would be with their father while I was gone)
I must be crazy, I don’t know anybody in Mexico and I don’t
speak Spanish.
Everyone is going to judge me and think I’m just being
selfish.
I had to keep reminding myself about my ‘big why’ for this
trip and push out the negative clutter from my head.
I was about to embark on my first solo trip abroad. I had no idea just how life changing this
trip was going to be for me.
I first went to Ajijic in January for a short trip, because
that’s supposedly when the weather is “perfect” in Ajijic. This initial trip
was to simply check the place out. To my delight it was even more beautiful
than I imagined. And yes, the weather
was quite perfect for casual strolls. But to be honest, I was on a mission to
see if Ajijic was a place that I would want to visit for longer than a week. I know this blog series is about ‘midweek
getaways’, but sometimes short getaways have a way of becoming much more.
While I was there in January I ended up putting a deposit
down on a casita that was going to be vacated at the end of March, because I
decided that I wanted to come back to stay for six months. It was a beautiful casita located on a hill
that overlooked the lake. It had large
windows with plenty of sunlight, a lush garden and a swimming pool shared by
the people in the main house.
Ajijic is really just a small village town with an
interesting mix of locals and expats (mostly from the United States and
Canada). It was just the kind of low-key
place that I needed for healing and transitioning.
My ‘Big Why’ for this trip was to heal emotionally and focus
on strengthening my body, mind, and spirit. What I discovered is that traveling
abroad can be a fast track to such goals.
I became more in tune with my gut feelings – my intuition. Because back home it was easy to fall into
autopilot mode, where most of my daily routines were pretty rote. I had to tap
into those deeper senses that would guide me in ways I hadn’t paid much
attention to before.
Don’t go that way.
This street is safe, Saunter on.
Check out this restaurant or gallery.
Ask that person over there.
Speak up.
Turn back.
Many of the streets in Mexico do not have street signs, so I
had to rely a lot more on my internal navigational system, plus I had to become
comfortable with asking for help. I
didn’t have a vehicle for the first three months while I was there, so I
utilized the public transit system, taxis, and even a little hitch hiking (it’s
true, but shhhh, don’t tell my kids). I
only hitch hiked one time in the middle of the day when I jumped into the back
of a pick up truck filled with a family of little children and their abuela
(grandmother), who was sitting in a folding chair. I just wanted a quick lift to the next town 3
miles away. The father and mother sitting
in the front seat, with sweet friendly smiles from ear to ear, seamed more than
happy to help me out.
This trip also helped boost my self-confidence. Up until then I didn’t realize that I could
actually do life alone, which is part of the reason I stayed in an unhealthy
marriage for so long.
The fact that I could do whatever I wanted to do was
mind-blowing. For those six months my
schedule was not being dictated by everybody else’s schedule – no husband to
answer to, no customers help, no kids to rush around, no church meetings to
attend, and no errands to run.
I would sleep in, read a book, paint, go to the local gym,
ride my bike, and have a leisurely breakfast, lunch, or dinner at any one of
the many restaurants. Which by the way,
Ajijic has so many different truly wonderful restaurants with a variety of
different cuisines, fabulous dishes, and surprisingly affordable enough to eat
out several nights a week.
The people living in Ajijic are some of the kindest people I
have ever met in my entire life. I met
such an array of different personalities and characters. Many of the locals
lived in very humble homes with their entire families including grandma, grandpa,
mom, dad, adult children on down to grandchildren. The longer I was there my face became
familiar to some of the shop and restaurant owners and I was often invited to
join them for dinners or birthday celebrations. Living in Ajijic was like going
back in time when the pace of life was much slower with children playing ball
in the streets and most people greeting you just in passing on the sidewalk
with a friendly Hola!
One of the things that surprised me most about Ajijic was the
very active population of retired expats, which were really just of bunch of
older hippies – yep throwbacks from the 1960s still being true to their rebel
lifestyles. They were party
animals! Seriously. I kid you not! The more expats I met the more invitations I
received to go dancing, go out to dinner, go to a play or concert, a group tour
of art museums in Guadalajara, or whatever! And there was quite the population
of expats in their 30s and 40s living there as well (also more hippies). They were the ones who liked staying out all
night dancing then hitting the all night taco place at 3 am. Why not?! I had to do it at least once. However, I must say, at age 40 I realized
pretty fast that I wasn’t quite the same all-night party animal that I was in
my early 20s pre-parenthood! But it was
certainly fun for at least the one night (okay, it might have been two or three
other times as well).
One of my favorite memories was when some of my new friends
encouraged me to have an art show exhibiting all the artwork I created during
my time there. I created a pretty large body of work, so I thought it would be
a good way to celebrate. They took care of all the marketing, I was featured on
the front page of their local newspaper, they helped me hang my artwork on the
walls in my casita, they created flyers, sent out invitations, provided the
food, beer, wine, and spiked punch, and basically made the whole event come to
fruition. It was a great turnout and an
absolute blast!
My last month in Mexico was spent with a man named Bill
Scholar, who happened to also be in Ajijic to do some healing of his own. His mother, Rachel, had attended my art show
and the next day she told her son that he really needed to go see my art before
it was taken down. So she contacted me to see if my work was still up and if
her son could come see it.
That afternoon Bill came over. When I opened the door a very handsome man
around my age was standing there with a giant friendly smile. We had an instant rapport, or maybe it was
more like a strong attraction. He came in, viewed my art and had a lot of
questions for me about the art. Before I
knew it we were sitting in a restaurant and in deep conversation about life and
struggle and cancer, because Bill had just recently been diagnosed with stage-4
melanoma cancer.
We hit it off so well that we decided to spend as much time
together as possible before I headed back the States. Though we did not have a romantic relationship,
it was certainly full of lively adventures, including a memorable Lila Downs
concert. That concert inspired us to take a cross-country excursion over to a
beautiful colonial city of Patzcuaro, in the state of Michoacán
in search of a pair of blue boots like the ones Lila downs was wearing on stage
– just because (retail therapy!).
For those of you who may not know, Lila Downs is an
American-Mexican singer songwriter. She played the beautiful young woman who
sings in the movie ‘Frida’ played by Salma Hayek. ‘Frida’
is one of my all time favorite movies and Lila’s voice is powerful and soulful.
I kid you not, we searched through
about a dozen different zapateria (shoe stores), all the while acting like
giggling, silly teenagers on a scavenger hunt.
After our day of speed shopping we ended up sitting at a table for two
at a quaint sidewalk café laughing about our adventure. We said, “oh well, it was fun even though we
came up empty handed with no blue boots to show for our efforts!’
We got up from the table and
headed back to our car just around the corner.
As we turned the corner I glanced into one more zapataria and right
there in the window were a beautiful pair of blue boots. We just couldn’t believe it. We were bustin’ a gut when we realized we
passed it right at the start when we first walked into the town.
Here’s the cool thing about those
blue boots that Bill and I finally found – they have the word “Frida” imprinted
in the leather soles on the bottom of the boot, because it happens to be the
name of the company that makes the boots.
I thought to myself, “Serendipity!” Yes, I bought the boots.
That trip with Bill was the perfect ending to my time in Mexico. We spent many hours sharing stories about our
life journeys, all the ups and down, our struggles with being CONTROLLERS, plus
all the lessons and blessings we were both trying to learn from that, which was
a big part of what brought us both there to Ajijic to heal.
Sometimes we just escaped into silent reminiscing while
listening to the lyrics of the music I compiled onto a CD for Bill. That trip helped me gain better insight into
the meaning of just BE-ing. We talking
honestly about how we wanted to practice more BE-ing and less DO-ing in life,
and how being over-DO-ers really did more harm than good.
When I came back to the United States one of the first
things I did was set up my art studio and work on a painting in memory of my
trip with Bill. The painting is titled,
‘Blue Boots’.
About six months later I received a phone call from Bill’s
mother, Rachel, telling me that Bill had died, and he wanted to make sure I
knew, because we were planning to take another trip together. I had just
finished the painting of Blue Boots and sent a print to Bill’s mother in
Mexico.
Meeting Bill and everyone else on that trip was the best
medicine for my soul. I learned to laugh
again, smile, take chances on new relationships, enjoy life more, and live more
fully in the moment. My time in Ajijic was filled with many valuable life
lessons, incredibly memorable experiences, and even a few scary moments.
Upon my return back to the United States, I was most
definitely not the same person I was when I left, and THAT my friends was the
plan. I was now able to show up for my children as the mother they needed me to
be, as well as the confidence and gumption to live in alignment with my values.
I’m incredibly grateful my therapist recommended that I GO
ON THE TRIP! And I am truly glad I did.
Melanie Banayat
Board Certified Holistic Health Coach, Author, Speaker,
Workshop Facilitator, Professional Artist.
www.MelanieBanayat.com
www.MelanieBanayat.com
***
Title: Stretch Your Brave, Hack Your Story
Author/pen
name: Melanie Banayat
Genre: Self Help
Publisher: Whole Heart Publishing
Date of Publication: April 2015
ISBN: 978-0-9962277-5-9
Number of pages: 185
Blurb:
A key missing component to the typical conventional western
medicine doctor visit is your story. You fill out a checklist of symptoms and
conditions on a five page health history form and get a short seven minute
consult with the doctor who then prescribes a pill for each ill, and you're
never asked to tell your story. There are rarely any in-depth inquires about
what might have caused the inflammation, symptom, or discomfort in the first
place.
It's a blessing to be able to investigate and set a story free. As
we grow older we tend to hold on to most of our stories and drag them around
like a collection of heavy boulders that fester and manifest into disease.
What the heck does "Stretch Your Brave, Hack Your Story" mean?
Well, one of the goals of this book, and the companion workbook, The
Common Courage Way, is to challenge you to become a 'hacker.' What is a
hacker? In this case, hackers are positive innovators. Hackers are people
who challenge and change systems to make them work differently - to make them
work better - it's a mindset. Any and every system is open game for being
hacked these days - even your health story.
If
you have been suffering with chronic diseases of lifestyle for entirely too
long, with little to no relief, and no signs of true healing - then you may be
stuck in story. Banayat takes you on an exploratory journey through 16
different stories that give you insight into fiery dramas, unexpected traumas,
in addition to the everyday struggles with relationships, medications,
spirituality, addictions, food intolerances, and chemical imbalances. She even
tells her own story of recovery from Rheumatoid Arthritis.
Buy links:
For over thirty years Banayat has used storytelling in her
professional fine art career and has graced the pages of this book with images
from her original artworks. The artwork sets a beautiful tone for
introspection. This book was designed to leave out on your coffee table where
you can read one or two stories at a time and ponder the contents. For
more information please visit www.MelanieBanayat.com
Buy links:
https://www.amazon.com/Stretch-Your-Brave-Hack-Story/dp/099622775X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1488746542&sr=8-1&keywords=stretch+your+brave
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