Your Job (week 48)

52 Weeks of Gratitude Challenge

I was happy to be able to work nearly 15 years at a job I loved, with people I enjoyed being around every day.  That’s a rare thing.  Sure, there were days I wanted to walk out, but it wasn’t ever because of anyone that I worked closely with.

 

Since then, I’ve taken on a new job.  I’ve been able to follow my passion of writing, and I’ve self published three works and currently have one traditionally published novel.  I’m so glad to be able to have been afforded the opportunity to pursue this dream job.

 

What’s your dream job?  Is there a way you can work toward it today?

Love and Peace,

   

Kay 

Opportunities You've Been Given (week 47)

52 Weeks of Gratitude Challenge

When I first started thinking about what to write for this post, I thought about the amazing places I’ve been on vacation.  I’ve been lucky enough to view active volcanoes on 3 continents, which is something I feel very thankful for!  I’ve toured Scotland, Ireland, Israel, Greece, Hawaii, the Caribbean, and many other places. 

But, bla bla bla. 

There’s an opportunity that I relish even more.  MUCH more.  That is the opportunity to raise this amazing young man who chose me to be his mother.  In doing that, it’s been more rewarding than any fancy trip, and more educational than a fancy college would have been.  Watching him grow and change every day, has helped me to grow and change with him, and for him.  He is autistic.  He is unique and beautiful and his mind amazes me.  Even though he’s 8, I still watch him sleep sometimes, to look at his beautiful, peaceful face and wonder what he’s dreaming about.  I have a feeling that I always will, except, probably, when he’s grown and married, because that would be weird.  Haha.

 

THIS is the opportunity that, although it give me the most stress sometimes, is the most rewarding.

Being a MOMMY. HIS Mommy!

Love and Peace,  

Kay 

So, What's This All About?

This is a little pet project I've been working on. It's a collection of poems, thoughts, insights and essays on a few different subjects.  Some of these I never meant another eye to see....but what the heck!  This is me...here I am!

Chartreuse is a compilation of personal insights on various aspects of life, as told through poetry and short, introspective writings. It begins with musings on the darker side of reality, followed by inspirations of love, and finishes with thoughts of a positive nature. 

Available January 27, 2016.  Pre-order is active now.

In Inspiration, 

Kay

2016 Resolution!

     My resolution for 2015 (basically, to pay attention to my body’s cues Read it here!) worked pretty well at first.  Then came Pet Rescue, and the fact that my body wanted to plop down on the bed a few times a day and now I’m almost embarrassed to admit that I’m in the 400 levels.  Ugh.  But, it’s not Pet Rescue’s fault. It ‘s totally Facebook’s fault. Damn! Since becoming a stay at home mom (more on that later), Facebook has been a source of daily social interaction for me.  I’ll check it a few times a day, then get lost in the feed and look up after a half hour. Good grief!  So, I’ve decided that while 2015 was generally a year of self-allowed rest, 2016 will be a year of limiting distractions so I can reach my goals.

 

     In my defense, 2015 was a big year of adjustments.  My son received an IEP at school and we’re dealing with his possible autism, and everything that goes along with it.  I also climbed a few personal/emotional mountain ranges in 2015 that I’d rather not mention.  So, 2015 was what it was. 

On the bright side, it was not a complete failure. Not at all.  I freaking finished a BOOK that is, as I type, being reviewed by an editor of a recognizable publisher after they requested the full.  Traditional publishing is a long, long route. 

     As it stands right now, I am 20k words into the sequel of the above book, and the third is outlined.  I am also 25k words into an unrelated stand alone book (romantic comedy/horror/suspense). I am, oh, about 120k words into my behemoth of a paranormal saga that has been my pet project, and I have two other books outlined.  I got the rights back to a novella that I had published with a small e-publisher, so I need to decide what to do with that now.  Writing is my heart! The moment the characters take over a story is like the best drug in the world (not that I know anything about drugs, of course).

     In 2015, I also began another pet project.  I’ve always been fascinated with dreams, and I have a few psychic cells in my body, so I started a web based business around these ideas. I am not completely finished with it yet, but I plan to offer email based courses on dreams and art therapy, and  personal dream interpretation services. a peek...

     I’ve also been applying for jobs and have made it onto a couple hiring lists and had a few interviews…but no cause to buy new work clothes yet.

     So, you see that even though I give myself a hard time for “not getting anything done in 2015”, I’m my own worst enemy – because I DID. The problem is, nothing I did is exactly tangible at the moment, thus making it hard for me to give myself a pat on the back.

     2016 will be the Year of Completion! I will narrow my focus to the most important items – SON, writing, dream website, and job search.  I will limit my distractions – hear that, Facebook? Within reason, I will expect myself to complete tasks that I have left hanging for too long, and the wrapping up of loose ends will be its own reward as I love that feeling of accomplishment.

Here’s to facing 2016 head on, with a purpose and the tools I need to succeed. 

My Name Is...

What is a name?  Is it all just pure ancestry?  A label?  A definition?

What does it mean if you meet someone with the same name as you?  Names are common, but some aren’t as common as they might be.  What are the chances that your circle collects names that are similar?  Pretty slim.  So, when it happens, you sit up and pay attention.  It’s disquieting to know that there can be such a similarity of letters between strangers.   

Names.  Little badges.  Signposts pointing behind you.  A title that might define your life.

Yet, a name doesn’t belong to one person.  It belongs to everyone that has it, and everyone that doesn’t have it. 

My name may as well be something unpronounceable, or even a symbol.  Prince (one of my favorite musicians) was on to something.   So was the character “Madison” in the movie Splash.   Her real name was a series of sounds. 

Names are meaningless.  The only value is what we attach to them.

KAY

What is a name?  Is it all just pure ancestry?  A label?  A definition?

What does it mean if you meet someone with the same name as you?   Probably nothing.  But, what are the chances that your circle collects names that are similar?  Pretty slim.  So, when it happens, you sit up and pay attention.  It’s disquieting to know that there can be such a similarity of letters between strangers.   

Names.  Little badges.  Signposts pointing behind you.  A title that might define your life.

Yet, a name doesn’t belong to one person.  It belongs to everyone that has it, and everyone that doesn’t have it. 

My name may as well be something unpronounceable, or even a symbol.  Prince (one of my favorite musicians) was on to something.  So was the character “Madison” in the movie Splash.   Her real name was a series of sounds. 

Names themselves are meaningless.  The only meanings they have are the values that we attach to them. 

12 Lessons 2012 Taught Me

Some of the lessons that 2012 taught me were the same old things rehashed.  I guess they keep getting thrown at me because I haven't learned them yet.  But, some of them were new.  Some of them were random.  And some of them were left off this list, not because they are any less important, but because my brain is mac-n-cheese.  I’m sure I’ll think of a hundred more items later.

 

 

1.       The importance of BRAVERY.  Sometimes the lessons we need to learn take our whole lives. That’s why we are still here, even though some days are very, very dark.  We were brave souls to choose to come here to begin with, but sometimes, in these frail bodies, we forget that. 

2.       Life goes on.  I lost my grandfather on October 25.  I hardly ever say anything with certainty because I know that life will inevitably find some way to prove me wrong, but this fact I do know for certain… He was the bravest and best man I will ever know. 

 

3.       Aristotle’s theory of the “Unmoved Mover”, which I find fascinating. 

4.       I look damn sexy in a Chuck E. Cheese blow up crown.

 

5.       Life is unpredictable (I already knew this but it was reaffirmed).  I went on a hike to Mary Jane Falls up at Mt. Charleston and a rockslide occurred, sending pebbles and sand raining down on us from a high cliff.  They stung!  It could have so easily been larger rocks or boulders.  It was over in about 30 seconds and everyone scurried away unharmed, but it was quite scary as we had no idea what was going to come barreling off that cliff at us next.

6.       I have a facet joint problem in my hips which occasionally causes me excruciating pain.  Excellent. 

 

7.       Female desert tortoises hump each other.

 

8.       The power of truth. 

9.        Magic happens.  Anyone that knows me knows that I am a Disneyland nut.  I don’t care what some people might think of it, I love going there!  I was lucky to go there twice this year.  Once alone (which was actually kind of sad at first but ended up being one of the most magical times I’ve ever had there), and the second time with my sister (for her first trip). 

10.       I don’t like cream cheese in my sushi.  No sir, I don’t like it.  Makes me want to hurl.

11.       My limits in putting up with bullshit from people.  This was a fuzzy area before 2012, but I’m thankful that I reached my breaking point.  Now I know where it is, and that information is valuable. 

12.       That people really do like my art, and my writing.  As a creative person, I am extremely critical of my own stuff, as all artists are.  The past couple years I’ve decided to take some big chances, and they have paid off.  It’s scary, really scary, but it is so encouraging to know that people are genuinely interested in my creations.  I’m humbled…and terrified.

I wonder what lessons await me in 2013...

 

Clutter Clearing

I’m a firm believer that a person’s dwelling area(s) reflect the state of their mind, body and spirit.  I’ve read several books on the subject and they have only confirmed what that I’ve always felt and known to be absolutely true – our living spaces are “living”.  In fact they are either quite “alive” or “comatose”, whichever reflects our current state of being.

Case in point, I once went with a friend to someone’s residence in order to retrieve a set of dishes that the person had given them.  I had never been to a home in this state of disarray before.  It was dark, the curtains were drawn shut.  It was dusty, smelly, roaches skittered everywhere, and spider webs (and their occupants) leered at me from every corner, literally.  It was a regular Haunted Mansion.  I couldn’t comprehend how someone could live and eat there, let alone sleep there.  And who lived there?   She was an emergency room nurse.  Would I want her treating me or a loved one?  Umm, no.  You might think that statement seems a bit judgmental, but to me someone with a job concerning the well-being of others shouldn’t let their own well-being fall to such shambles.   I later learned that she was fired shortly thereafter  for being under the influence of illegal substances.  Hmmm…  I heard that she went through rehabilitation, threw everything away, cleaned everything and is doing much better.

I’ve seen one room shacks in the Caribbean and Mexico.  There is a difference between being poor, and being dirty.  I’ve been in rich people’s houses that are disgusting and uncomfortable, and in poor people’s houses that are lovely and comforting. 

One of the best feelings is being able to let go of “things” that are no longer needed, and one of the first steps to doing that is to clear out some clutter.  Start with a drawer.  It works, it brings clarity.  It adjusts focus.  It calms nerves.  It clears mental cobwebs. 

It’s…necessary.

 

(Disclaimer - Having said all that, I also realize that some people have a mental disorder that requires that they hold on to things. I also have random items that I have held on to that seemingly have no value to anyone, but they do to me. However, I can’t imagine the psychic clutter of an entire house filled with things that I couldn’t bear to get rid of. It would be debilitating.) 

Free Gifts

I just realized that even though next week is my 39^th birthday, it actually signifies the completion of 40 laps around the sun.  Not 39.  We don’t celebrate the day we are actually born as our first birthday; we celebrate it a year later, after completing our first lap.  So, coming upon 40 laps, I’ve had some thoughts.

First, I don’t feel 40 (or 39, or whatever).  Second, sometimes I feel 12, sometimes I feel 99.  But, never 40.

 

Last year, right around my birthday, I came up with the idea that I am “adaptable” rather than “moldable”.  I think that still holds true.  Being adaptable is a conscious effort on the part of humans.  We allow ourselves to adapt.  It’s a decision we can always back out of.  And, if it is a conscious choice, it is a good thing, right?  Maybe yes, maybe no.  It depends on the circumstances revolving around the choice to adapt.  Are we choosing to do so based on what is the best for us, or what “other’s” think is the best for us? 

Being adaptable is a gift, a wonderful present called “free will” that we were all given the day we are born.  It is non-refundable and non-returnable.  It’s a gift that we are all free to use every day.

How are we going to use it?

Perception

Last weekend was my 20^th Reunion (High School – I guess that has to be clarified.  Apparently there are middle school reunions these days too.), and it got me thinking about perception.
 

For me, high school was a good experience.  I was friends with a lot of wonderful people across the spectrum of clique-dom, many of whom are still in my life.  Although I wasn’t in sports, I was in drama and creative writing classes, and was on the Newspaper staff. 

Life at home wasn’t all that peachy for me though, and I became a little rebellious.  I started ditching regularly, choosing to go to breakfast with friends, the lake, the Excalibur, or many other places, yet somehow I still ended up making good grades.  I think I was able to separate what was going on at home with school, and I was able to channel my angst into more creative outlets thanks to some awesome teachers. 

But, back to perception.  I perceived myself to be an oddball. I dressed in fishnet stockings underneath ripped jeans with a black t-shirt and motorcycle jacket.  That was some days.  Other days it was my black converse with a red denim miniskirt and a black and green tie dyed shirt.  My hair had a bright red streak in it, sometimes, when it wasn’t permed or crimped.  Lord knows where I came up with those crazy ensembles. 

Many of the people I hung around with were from different classes, or they weren’t able to attend the reunion for their own reasons, so I was kind of nervous about the whole thing.  I joked with everyone that I was afraid they wouldn’t recognize me unless I was wearing some crazy outfit, or that they wouldn’t remember me (remember – I ditched.  A lot.).  But, what I found was interesting.  People that I’d never even had a class with remembered me as quiet, sweet and nice.  It was kind of weird to know that while I thought I was such a hellion, they thought I was “quiet, sweet and nice”, and were happy to see me. 

It’s all about perception. 

Don’t take yourself too seriously.  You may think one thing of yourself, but there may be 100 people out there who think different. 

Adaptation

While I was camping in Zion over the weekend I had some time to sit in the quiet under the silver light of the full moon and think.  I’ve been trying to come up with a definition of “Who I Am” for some time now.  I think that’s a tough one for anyone to answer and I don’t really feel like I’m any closer to the answer than I ever have been.  But, I did make a few discoveries.

1.       People should not be judged by their hobbies. 

Ex:  Someone drives a Harley – they are a hellion. 

Ex:  I like to camp -  I don’t like cities.

Ex:  I have a tattoo – I’m rebellious.

These are incorrect judgments based on unfair and ungrounded generalizations.  If someone were to define themselves by one small aspect of their lives, then they are hiding.

2.       I discovered a few things that I am NOT.

 I am NOT close-minded. 

 I am NOT a quitter.

 I am NOT moldable.

3.       I discovered one thing that I AM.

I AM ADAPTABLE.

Saying that I am adaptable rather than moldable is actually quite accurate.  To say that someone is moldable implies that they allow someone or something else to have complete control of them, to shape them as they see fit.  I will never allow that. 

However, to say that I am adaptable is correct because adapting is a conscious effort on one’s own part.  I am easily able to adapt in many situations and social arenas. In high school I was able to befriend and hang out with kids from all the different cliques.  I’m a chameleon of sorts, and I think this is a good thing.  I believe that life is full of endless possibilities, and the ability to adapt is key to experiencing all of those.   

Back to SKUUULLL

I decided to go back to school at 38 and finish my Associates in Psychology.  Why not?  I only had four classes left when I got my first degree fifteen years ago.  Well, as life has a sense of humor I found out that a lot of the core classes I took “way back then (thank you Mr. Counselor)” no longer count as the core requirements have changed.  So what I expected to be a year-long process is looking more like two or two and a half years.  But, I am not discouraged.  I am energized.   I look at it as an opportunity to explore subjects that I wouldn’t have normally explored.

This Fall I am taking Geology and Psychology of Dreams.  Geology doesn’t hold an ounce interest for me whatsoever (rocks…ooo, interesting…).  But judging from the overall wackiness of the instructor and her jokes about vibrators, it might be interesting after all.  The Dreams class, however, is right up my alley.  I’ve always been very lucky to be not only a vivid dreamer but a lucid dreamer and as a kid I just assumed that everyone could do the same thing.  Well, no, they can’t.  The instructor promised everyone in the packed class that by the end of the semester we will all not only be able to recall more dreams, analyze them and decipher their meanings, but also we will be able to dream with lucidity.  I am so excited to see this happen for the rest of the class.  It really is such a great feeling to be awake and aware during my dreams. 

How to Deal with People that Drive You Insane

S – Seek shelter.  Shelter in the form of a friend, family member or colleague that doesn’t eat your soul.

U – “Unlearn What You Have Learned.” – Yoda.  Who says you have to be nice to everyone?

R – Resist.  Resist the urge to play their game right back at them.  Although temporarily fun, this tactic will always backfire on you.  Always.

R – Respect your intuition.  Listen to your heart when it is telling you that someone is not quite right in the noggin.

E – Establish firm boundaries.  Moats, tar pits, flypaper, whatever is near and handy.

N – Never back down.  Don’t let them take your soul.  Fight.

D – Don’t try sarcasm.  They won’t get it.  Ever.

E – Eat your cake, Damnit!  Who says you can’t eat the piece of cake in front of you?  And, don’t let them make you feel guilty about it.

R – Remember.  The best weapon you have against soul eaters is a good memory.  That way, when they pull out their bag of tricks, you already know what’s in it and can shut it down before the rabbit even sticks one ear out!